My Query Letters Have Sucked!!!

I'm meeting with my editor tomorrow to get some help with query letters and other things. So, I decided I needed to make my query letters better or at least create a few different versions to choose from, one of which would hopefully be good. Thus, I got really fucked up, put on some Top Chef tv and just fucking wrote and referred to a sample query letter. And wrote some more. And referred to a sample query letter. And I came up with two new versions, one of which I think is pretty freaking good. Definitely less boring! I thought writing my novel would be hard. It was a cake walk compared to this. This shit is fucking hard!

Another issue I'm dealing with: who does my novel sound like? It's got to sound like someone else out there. I just don't know who. I've asked my editors and have stacks of mysteries I'm plowing through in an attempt to figure this out. My protagonist is different, but I'm not naive enough to think she's completely original.

The whole thought process contained here is why attempting to get published is MADDENING! You do one thing Monday only to have ten things to do Tuesday. So you do ten things Tuesday only to have 40 things to do Wednesday! If I didn't drink, I wouldn't make it. If I didn't have the support system I have, I wouldn't make it. If I wasn't as determined and unwilling to accept, "No" for an answer, I wouldn't fucking make it!

Have I mentioned how scary editing a novel is? Have I mentioned how scary trying to sell my novel to an agent is? No. Well, I have never been more scared in my life! Because I've upped the ante. It's all fine and well and good when it's just a job or a project or a whatever. But when you risk your livelihood to make your childhood dreams come true, "Yes" is the only acceptable answer, and you don't give up until you hear the one word that matters. No matter what.

So, it's Thursday, and I'm kicking my own butt into gear, so I'm going to go back to writing awesome query letters!